Bring Back Blazers

UPDATE: Oh, God – this post is just in time.  0_0;;;

It’s easy to understand why many people did not relate to robot Romney, who was only slightly better programmed than Obama (who has to take his input via teleprompter; Romney, I’m guessing, learned conservative speech via USB).

But, one wonders, would a more personable personality have gotten through to people who dress like this?:

or like this?:

I’m not sure, so I’m going to answer that question with another: Why is it that people who dress like shit are winning the “culture” war?

You know what?  If I can’t have a president who doesn’t want to bankrupt the coal industry, I should at least get to have fashion on my side.  Explaining things logically did not work, so Conservatives, here is our new mission: We will somehow cause the androgynous-women-loving gay men of fashion to crush on William F. Buckley, Jr., thereby getting the morons and progs to dress appropriately:

“I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob.”

(We’ll tell the hipsters that cutting their damn hair and wearing suits is “ironic.”)

While I will admit I have a soft spot in my heart for plaid flannel, this is not the 90s (dur, look at the prices of everything).  We have serious problems in this country and serious problems require serious attire:

This is what a hippie should look like.

What will this accomplish, you ask?  Not much on its own – it’s only the first step of my multi-step plan to re-normalize conservatism.  Just say no to prog-normativity, and wear your blazer with pride (and pearls)!

Next time: Where to wear your blazer/smoking jacket?  To conservative cocktail parties, of course! (Your pretentious liberal elite friends will LOVE them!  And you will get them drunk and play Reagan speeches while they’re drooling on your couch.  When they awake, the Laffer curve will suddenly make sense to them.)

Who’s Latino now?

George Lopez is disappointed in Romney for being Latino and not admitting it:

“Mitt Romney is a f–king Latino and he won’t admit it. His father was born in Chihuahua, Mexico. Mitt Romney is a Chicano. But he won’t admit it. ‘I am not. I am Danish. I am French.’”

If Latino means your dad was born in Mexico but you’re the whitest guy ever, then I guess that’s why Romney is Latino but George Zimmerman is a “white Hispanic”?

This is getting too confusing.

Romney a vampire?

Or doth Obama project too much?

Dern leeches.

Hey, if not liking vampires makes me racist…

[Okay, actually, it was a pro-Obama ad by the Obama campaign that called Bain Capital a vampire… is this what libprogs mean when they say corporations aren’t people?]

Poor Mitt Romney?

Former First Lady Barbara Bush was quoted today on “The Five” as saying, “I’m worried about this campaign. Too ugly. I really don’t like it, and I think it’s too bad, very much, for Mitt Romney.”

Too bad for Mitt Smarmy??

I have never had a problem with Mrs. Bush, but this statement rubs me the wrong way.  What exactly is too bad for the asshole the establishment wants?  That the other assholes are still in the running, calling him out on being phoney-baloney?

And why focus on how it’s too bad for poor ol’ Mitt – how about the rest of the damn country?

This attitude of Romney-inevitability is almost enough to get me to support Newt.  Newt, but not Santorum.

Dear Lord, save us.

[insert name here] for president!

*sigh*

Conservative Werewolf truly does not enjoy bitching about the state of politics in the US…

…but there’s SO MUCH about which to bitch.

Such as the lack of an awesome Republican candidate for president.  Previously, I threatened to go crotchety and vote Ron Paul.  Lately, that threat’s looking less empty.  [No, I do not want Iran to get a nuclear weapon, but I also do not want to send troops in to wage a ground war or attempt regime change – why?  Oh dear, that will probably warrant another post.  Suffice it to say for now that Conservative Werewolf is a fan of creative solutions.]

Moving along.  I would like to say that of all the current candidates for the Republican nomination, the one whom I would most enjoy punching in the face is Mitt Smarmy.  The king of the RINOs has made friends with the right people and hopes to be elevated to the position of Prime Minister of Douchiness.  He cannot possibly hope to be our nation’s leader, being that any politician so extremely phony and flip-floppy already understands how the game is played and is fine with being a glorified puppet (such as Obama).

Newt.  Oh, Newt.  You wish you were Romney.  You tried to steal his thunder by appealing to Tea Partiers.  But  most of us see through you.  We are not impressed.  We merely appreciate that you are not Mitt Romney.

Perry: Phony-baloney panderer.   Shoot a coyote of the human-trafficking kind down on the border or go home.

Santorum.  I am, obviously, conservative, and I’m totally down with Jesus, but you creep me the hell out.  For real.  Go away, please.

Michele Bachmann: You seem like a very nice person, but do you listen to yourself?  Honestly, woman, you’ve been playing politics too long or something, because you hardly sound like a real person.  Get some authenticity!  I’d like a female president in my lifetime, but I am not impressed by you.

The other guys: Hunstman is a creeper, and that other guy, well, I don’t know.  He’s ignored a lot, probably because he doesn’t seem interested in making a splash, which I understand and respect.  But still, what’s your name again?

AND NOW!: Ron Paul.  Weird guy, but consistent.  Like, consistent over the course of decades.   And right about things we know today… thirty years ago.  And probably not even as weird as he seems.  The thing with being the one guy who appears to be for real and appeals to people across the ol’ spectrum is that, being one of a kind, you’re going to have a lot of REALLY DEDICATED fans.  Some of whom are nutcases who will not represent you well.  Keep telling us you’re not racist or a 9/11 truther.  If you say it enough, we might actually hear it (can’t help but root for a guy the media tries so hard to sink).  I swear, I can’t help but like this guy, even when I think he’s being fucking stupid.

Did I forget anyone?  Please, tell me I forgot someone really really awesome.  No?  Darn.