Archive for January, 2014

The Celebrated Art of Shaking Your Ass – I Mean, Singing

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on January 27, 2014 by conservativewerewolf

Beyonce.  You have a great butt.  That doesn’t mean I want to see that much of it.

I know, I’m a curmudgeon.  “You can’t give a good vocal performance without giving a lap dance in a revealing outfit, you know.  And a truly inspired performance requires grotesque facial expressions,” said the modern western world, which, I hear, used to put out some pretty impressive art, literature and music.  Now it just puts out.

I would like to see more big-name female singers act as if they expect to be taken seriously without wearing thong-type getups in front of other people.  But perhaps, in  Beyonce and Miley’s defense, that expectation would be unreasonable; maybe quality is boring and needs a little used-to-be/should-be taboo behavior to spice it up.  [Or, in Miley’s case, maybe quality is too difficult to achieve.  I don’t know – maybe she sucks on purpose, like most pop singers these days, who want to sound modern or distinctive or nasal-as-fuck for no good reason.]

Why can’t women just sing songs?  Why can’t we just be happy with them singing songs?  Why do we need them to degrade themselves??

I remember learning about this feminism thing in school.  I thought back then that it was about equality.  It turns out it’s about providing males with the most explicit images of ourselves we can conjure (don’t freak – it’s ART), so they’ll pay attention to us, oh God, please, just pay attention to us – but don’t be OBVIOUS about staring at our boobs, you pigs! …all the while insisting that it’s just another form of self-expression, and how dare you question our motives.

Girls, I don’t care if you look like Beyonce or Lena Dunham or Jay Leno: Stop.  You can display your talents and be successful and sassy and whatever else you want without behaving like the world is your own personal pornography.  Have some standards.  They don’t have to be that high, but they could easily be higher.  Just do art and stop begging us to look at your asses by acting in such a way that NO ONE CARES THAT MUCH ABOUT YOUR ART ANYMORE because they’re all talking about your ass because you won’t stop mooning us.  You don’t have to try that hard!  If you have an ass, people will look.  Trying too hard isn’t sexy – it’s repulsive, pathetic and degrading.



Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on January 8, 2014 by conservativewerewolf

Ugh, that patriarchal misogynistic Facebook, censoring women’s breasts.  Let’s all get offended.

Some twit at HuffPo is on a rant about how men can go topless but it’s “shameful” (darn right) for women to do so.  And blaming Facebook is in there somewhere, like Facebook should be on the forefront of this retarded movement for nipple equality.

Somewhere, in a darkened office a man in an expensive chair is pressing his fingertips together and cackling at modern society’s stupidity.  “They’re going for it!  Of course, I knew they would.  They always do.  Soon, there will be women’s nipples EVERYWHERE!”

Which, I guess some people think would be a good thing.  Not I, naturally.  If it becomes the norm for women’s nipples to be displayed (in ads and in real life), then seeing them becomes the expectation.  Then we’ll have males who feel even MORE entitled than they do already and I’m gonna have to bail my future daughters out of jail for blackening some jackasses eyes.  Which they will totally have deserved, not for requesting to see more boobage, but for telling my girls at some stupid college party that they should bare them for all to see because it’s normal.  And of course I will be bailing my girls out, not some chivalrous man who stepped in to do the punching for them, because you can hardly find one of those these days.  I fear for the future.

Like every stupid liberal [redundancy – I apologize] idea, this will blow up in everyone’s face.  This is why I am not okay with “Oh, you know, you do you.  Whatever.”  Well, sometimes I am, but not when stupid ideas turn in to big movements, which is what people are trying to do with this by whining on Facebook that it’s unfair and sexist and blah blah blah, totally ignoring the fact of who will benefit most from this: dudes [and I guess lesbians, but they already have them, so I dunno.  I should probably ask a lesbian. *mental note*].