Archive for July, 2011

Oh go ahead, rape my childhood some more.

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on July 31, 2011 by conservativewerewolf

We can’t escape the staggering horde of movie and TV remakes spawned over the last few years.  They’ve got us surrounded, and they’re about to go in for the kill:

PBS is revamping (code for “shittifying”) “Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood.”

I will force myself to hold out hope that, at the least, “Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood” will be harmless, vapid and cute.

Just out of curiosity, dear readers, have you ever seen a werewolf cry?

“So cynical, Miss Werewolf!  Such a downer – how like a conservative!”

Come now – you know it would be bucking the trend for this show to have anything near the quality of the original.  Chances are, the show will suck.  Hard:

Fred Rogers revolutionised children’s media with Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, and Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood continues on this path of innovation, helping the next generation of young children learn and grow in new ways,” PBS senior vice-president Lesli Rotenberg said following the announcement. “Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood fills a critical gap in children’s media today.”

“Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood” continues on this path of innovation-”  See, ALREADY they’re on the wrong track – trying to “innovate” with a remake.  Might as well create an entirely new show, instead of leeching off the reputation of the original.  I suppose the creators would, if they had souls.  Damn vampires.

Here’s clue number two that this show will suck: it’s designed to “[help] the next generation of young children learn and grow in new ways.”  WTF does that mean?  Do children really need to grow in new ways?  How many ways are there in which to grow?  How about this: let’s let them watch a show that will engage and encourage them without getting them hyper or rowdy, or encouraging them to disrespect their parents while using poor grammar.  Something like, oh, “MISTER ROGERS’ NEIGHBORHOOD.”  Too bad no one invented a way to store old TV shows for future generations.


I could be wrong.  It would be nice if I am.  We’ll just have to wait and see.

And now for a moment of levity in Mr. Robinson’s Neighborhood.


Harry Belafonte Unhappy With the Bamster

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on July 30, 2011 by conservativewerewolf

Harry Belafonte says that Prez Obama has been listening to “reckless right-wing voices.”

No word on the type of voices Harry Belafonte has been listening to.

Missing Weapons from CA Military Base

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on July 30, 2011 by conservativewerewolf

*smacks forehead*

I Thought About Farming Once

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on July 29, 2011 by conservativewerewolf

But I was discriminated against because I’m a werewolf!

Can I get some of that Pigford money?

Yes, I know that just because some black farmers were discriminated against doesn’t mean all black farmers, or werewolves, were discriminated against.   But that hasn’t stopped people from claiming they were discriminated against – or from obtaining settlement money from the USDA/government, oh wait, I mean their fellow Americans.

Thomas Burrell, head of the Black Farmers & Agriculturalists Association explains how easy it was for “farmers” to claim discrimination:

Hmm, Darrell Issa?  What’re you gonna do about that, sweetheart?

Mommy am I pretty? NO, you’re UGLY!

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on July 28, 2011 by conservativewerewolf

Really, what are you going to say, lady who thinks it’s harmful to tell your little girl she’s pretty, when your beautiful little girl asks you if she’s pretty?

“Whatever happened to moderation?” Conservative Werewolf muttered before realizing she’d become an old fogey before hitting thirty.

Here’s an idea – don’t make a big deal about looks but don’t pretend looks don’t matter to people.  How’s that?  “Yes, you’re pretty, but it’s much more important that you be a good, moral person.”  Or, if your kid is ugly, “You are a beautiful person, and anyone who tells you otherwise is only commenting on you because they’re insecure.”  Or, if your kid is an ugly jackass, “Your only hope is to have inner beauty, kid – better get to work on that.”

[And when said jackass brings up the possibility of plastic surgery, you could say: “Sure, you can make yourself beautiful, just like Voldemort could make himself live forever.  Now, let’s have a talk about the kind of person you want to be.”]

“Har har, Conservative Werewolf.  But is it really bad not to tell your daughter she’s pretty?  Wouldn’t it help her not focus on her appearance?”

No, it wouldn’t.  You can fight society’s shallowness, but, for the sake of your kid, you shouldn’t ignore it.  Similarly, we can fight our impulses, but if we ignore them, we’ll end up mauling an entire small town in one moonlit evening (well, maybe not YOU, but, well, it’s a metaphor).  Little missy is probably going to want boys to like her at some point in her life.  If she expresses no interest in anything related to romance until she’s thirty, well, good for you.  But, if, like the author’s daughter, she does, what do you do?:

“The other week, when Hannah tried on a new dress (yellow and twirly at her request) and asked if she could wear it to nursery because ‘Louis [her friend] will tell me I look beautiful,’ my first reaction was to laugh, then text Louis’s mum to discuss wedding plans.

Of course, because it’s cute and normal.  Oh, she wants a boy to notice her?  Couldn’t be that someday she’ll want to smooch one? OMG, let’s freak out that she’ll become anorexic:

But once I was over the comedy factor, it bothered me that my three-year-old thought the way to impress her friend was by looking pretty.  And I was horrified when I read that a recent BBC survey had found that six out of ten eight to 12-year-olds thought they’d be happier thinner, and that research by Girl Guiding UK had found that girls under ten often link happiness with body image.

This is a prime moment for guiding your kid in the ways of not being a little whore (i.e., not feeling she needs males to drool all over her for self-esteem, and therefore not going around wearing next to nothing and/or feeling she must radically change her body).  But ignoring that she’s gonna grow up into a cutie-pie isn’t gonna do it.

When I take them out together, my one-year-old son Rafal gets ‘clever’, ‘friendly’ and ‘smiley’ thrown his way, whereas my daughter is bombarded with pretty dress chat. The well-meaning compliments of passers-by is a reminder of the world in which she’s growing up. Rafal will be fine being friendly and clever, but Hannah will constantly be judged on how she looks.

It’s little wonder that studies have found that attractive women are assumed to be kinder and more intelligent and are also more likely  to make friends and even find jobs.

Do you realize this doesn’t make sense??  “My daughter is bombarded with pretty dress chat” –> “It’s little wonder that studies have found that attractive women are assumed to be… MORE INTELLIGENT”??? Really?  Could you explain to me how A leads to B?  Or, in her case, how it’s a bad thing?  So people will assume good things about her- great!  Help her be able to live up to the expectations of being able to figure things out, being up for the job, etc.

We can’t shelter our daughters from that reality, but as psychologist Susie Orbach, author of the ground-breaking body-image bible Fat Is A Feminist Issue, puts it: we can ‘innoculate’ against it. ‘When others say “she’s so pretty”, we can concur but also add that she does such a great job of skipping, running or playing her drums.

See, even you understand.  Couldn’t have just gotten straight to the logical point, hm?  Had to whine for several paragraphs about your concerns and feelings and shit.  There’s a time for processing our feelings, and there’s a time for addressing them.
‘Or talk as well about an aspect of her character so the pretty is acknowledged but not primary.’ Dr Sandra Wheatley, psychologist and author of Helping New Mothers To Help Themselves, agrees: ‘It’s natural to dress up girls in a typically feminine way and there’s nothing wrong with that — as long as that’s not all you focus on. If you fight against human nature, you’ll always lose the battle.’
Thank you, modern psychologist lady, we could not have figured that out ourselves.  People haven’t known this for generations.  This, feminists, is your legacy: people being quoted in papers saying the obvious things that counter your messages of gender sameness and such bullshit.
The article concludes:

There’s no getting away from the fact that being comfortable and confident with her appearance will help my daughter get on in life. And as long as I help her to value her other more enduring qualities, feeling good about her looks is something I should encourage, too. So next time I brush her hair and she gives me that ‘tada!’ look, I won’t feel guilty about telling her how pretty her curly hair looks. And I won’t even mind if she says mine is pretty, too.

All children, while growing up in a physical world and addressing the day to day issues herein, need to learn that it’s the things we can’t see that truly matter.  Maybe next time the Daily Mail will publish an article that delves a little deeper into the subject.  *snrk*

“All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost. “
-J. R. R. Tolkien in The Lord of the Rings
“You don’t have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body.”
-C. S. Lewis in Mere Christianity

I can haz fawr President Allen West plz???

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on July 27, 2011 by conservativewerewolf

I can not haz (in 2012).  But I can dream.

Interviewer: Would you, if you could, withdraw any of the language, or, the words that you used?

Allen West: No, I wouldn’t.

Boo yah.

Conservative Werewolf has no patience for whiny little girls, and neither, it seems, does  Allen West.

Quick recap:

Allen: [leaves the room]

Debbie: Allen West wants to take Medicare away from his constituents!

Allen: [types] Bring it.

Debbie: Look at the mean email, everyone!  I mean, not like I am fazed, but still, LOOK.

Femigeese: [flock around little girl Debbie, who apparently needs protection from the big bad scary manly man, being that he is something more than the snot-nosed rat-like male turtles they are used to – seriously, what the heck is up with the woman-assaulting congressman in a tiger suit?  Feminists, your thoughts?  Feminists?  ABC News?  Anyone?]


First Female Human Graduated Princeton How?

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on July 27, 2011 by conservativewerewolf

Actually, edit that, considering colleges are full of illogical liberal professors who don’t actually have to take risks by testing their theories in the real world.

The question should be, was Michelle Obama so stupid before she went to Princeton, or did it happen to her there?

In AARP Magazine, she discusses explaining the US’s killing of Bin Laden to children:

“I think kids instinctively feel that ambivalence—is this good or is this bad? And then you have to explain in a way that says it’s not good, but it’s good. The older kids, I think, get it. It’s a convoluted set of concepts. But I think they understand, when it’s placed in context.”

Oh God.  Where to start?

If kids are ambivalent about the death of Bin Laden, it’s because THEY DON’T FRICKIN’ REMEMBER 9/11!  They didn’t have their worlds shattered when their parents had to jump to their deaths out 70-something story windows to avoid being burned alive (Suffocating while falling, or roasting?  That’s a tough decision to make in a pinch).  Even kids who live across the country and don’t know anyone personally affected were freaked the hell out.  Why?  Because it happened in their country, the one they thought was safe from terrorist attacks.  If it happened in Manhattan and DC, it could happen in Kansas City (or, say, a field in Pennsylvania).

Of course killing Bin Laden was good because it kept him from brainstorming more mass-death causing attacks.  Convoluted set of concepts, my furry-tailed ass.  Let me simplify: killing people is bad, except when that person is 1) guilty of killing someone, or 2) about to kill someone.  Killing a guy who lives to make his dream of seeing you decapitated, with your guts spilling out all over the White House steps, come true, is actually a GOOD THING.  Like Martha Stewart Living cover-worthy.

Shyte, woman, you are a stupid broad.  But you know what?  I’d kill a terrorist any day to keep you alive.  I’d even do it for your stupid ass socialist husband, and I wouldn’t take two seconds to consider any supposed “complexities” because there would BE NO COMPLEXITIES.  I’d make the ID, verify it, make sure I had the shot, and take it (this is all assuming I’d be allowed to carry a gun – if not, well, you better hope it’s a full moon).  And you know how I’d feel afterward?

Pretty fucking great.

Having to kill people sucks.  But not killing the person who wants you dead, and has proven thousands of times over he has the capability, is stupid.

Honestly, you want to live, right?  Are you sure you don’t need a Zoloft?  You looked pretty happy on vacay in your ugly dresses, so I don’t think that’s the problem, is it?  Oh, I see.  Keeping you alive is a job for lowly people, like the Secret Service.   People too ignorant to be disturbed by the complexities.

Conservative Werewolf does not understand this human.