Archive for August, 2011

Looks like the sun’s gonna have to go

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on August 30, 2011 by conservativewerewolf

Did you know the SUN is probably the primary cause of climate change?  Who would have thought, with all those reputable scientists from organizations named with pronounceable acronyms telling us it was US?

Cosmic rays and clouds and OMIGAWD the SUN is going to KILL US ALL with its warming-ness!!!

At least I can fart guilt-free now.

OH, does anyone remember the episode of Josie and the Pussycats in Outer Space in which the girls travel to a planet inhabited by giants with sensitive eyes who decide to blot out the sun, until  Melody introduces them to “shades “? Classic.



Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on August 29, 2011 by conservativewerewolf

There’s a thin line between “edgy” and “um, ew, what?”

That line is also a spectrum.  On one end, we have “OMGnoWAIIII!!!11”; on the other, “yawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwn.” [<– The number of w’s, individually typed, measures the length of the massive yawn that coincided with me thinking about Gaga’s latest spectacle.]

Guess which end you’re on, Stefani?

*would like to be entertained by something other than re-runs and 80s movies*

Ministry of Diversity

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on August 25, 2011 by conservativewerewolf

Obama’s created the Office of Diversity, Inclusion; I feel so warm and fuzzy all over I just want to hug everyone!

“The goal is to eliminate demographic group imbalances in targeted occupations and improve workforce diversity. To attain this, special initiatives have been created targeting specific groups, including Hispanics, African Americans, American Indians, women and gays and lesbians. The idea is to create a workforce that truly reflects America’s diversity, according to the Obama Administration.”

Questions:  Is there an imbalance in workforce diversity?  If so, why?

If anyone is going to join the workforce, he or she must be qualified for a job.  Let’s start with rural minority kids (What about the white underprivileged rural boys?  Lemme guess: Uhhh, next question please).  As for Native American kids, I’m willing to bet organizations like Teach for America do more to help them than Obama ever could.  But I have to ask – if your goal is to make the “workplace” more diverse, and you’re going to try to get more Native Americans in this diverse “workplace,” isn’t that a bit like forced assimilation?   I guess it didn’t occur to Obama to ask whether or not they want his help.  Maybe they think he’s a douchebag city-slicker who wouldn’t know real work if it came up behind him and whooped his ass.  Or maybe they don’t.  But I do.

I have a feeling the inner city (usually minority) kids who live off free school meals (blech!) at institutions where they learn more about violence and drugs than prepositions or matrices aren’t going to qualify for nice office jobs when they grow up.  If Obama wants to promote workforce diversity, he needs to do so from the ground up, not the top down.  Give the kids who want to improve themselves school vouchers so they can escape terrible unsafe schools!

Oh, but that’s not necessary – Obama’s going to MAKE it all better, with hope.  And a committee of bureaucrats!  Thank goodness.

And how exactly is this office going to promote the inclusion of gays and lesbians?  Homosexual quotas?  I’ve had so many gay coworkers and managers that the idea is laughable.  Sorry for the momentary optimism, but I honestly believe there’s a place for everyone, and most people want the most competent person for the job (except for those who just want a kiss-ass), regardless of race or sexuality or gender identity.  Now, I have heard people raise a ruckus because they don’t want their kids taught by gay teachers, but that’s a topic worthy of its own post.  I’ll just say for now that several of my gay friends/acquaintances are teachers and things seem to be working out well for them.  The situation for homosexual educators is far from hopeless, and would be even farther, if the economy didn’t SUCK.  Hey Obama, wanna help gay people get jobs?  Stop fucking up the economy!  Of wait, I forgot – the crappy economy isn’t your fault; you’re merely a puppet.  Sorry.

As for women, we’re fine, thank you.  We’re more than fine, actually, since girls routinely outperform boys in school.  Maybe you could stop alienating the future men of America, many of whom do not even know what it means to be a man?  Seriously, the best thing you can do for women is stop pretending we need your help.  I don’t need to prove to any man that I’m just as smart or capable as he is; usually, I am more smart, but can still learn things from men, and I’m more capable at some things, less so at others.  That’s reality, and it’s okay.  If you really want to help women, HELP MEN.  I’m fucking sick of these sad lamewad excuses for men with their self-satisfied attitudes and lack of accomplishments.  They remind me of- well, actually, they remind me of you.

Please stop trying to help.  With everything.  It’s clear you don’t understand reality, or that it’s impossible to impose your ideals on the world, no matter how nice they may be.  I also want workplace diversity, and I experience it every day I’m at work, without your involvement.  I would experience it MORE OFTEN, were I employed full-time.

Speaking of which, what happened to all those jobs you created?  And what do the folks who filled those jobs do when Michelle is away on vacay?

If Your Name is Sarah Connor

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on August 18, 2011 by conservativewerewolf

I’d go in to hiding right about now.  “Thinking” computer chips.  Good job, guys.  I swear, don’t people listen to the prophets?  Terminator came out 27 years ago.   Twenty-seven.  These scientists must remember back that far, right?  In fact, some of them were probably young and impressionable back then – didn’t you guys go see the movie???

I estimate we have about a month left before we need to start freaking the hell out.

Seriously, though, this stuff is creepy.

“Why are you against scientific progress, Conservative Werewolf?  OHYEAH, conservatives don’t believe in science!”

No, conservatives don’t believe in trying to create intelligence because we’re mature enough to realize it could come back to bite us in the ass – because we’ve fucking seen Terminator.  (I actually doubt this will be a politically polarizing issue – okay, ANYTHING can become politically polarized, but – there IS hope that because enough people, liberal, moderate, conservative, apolitical, have been exposed to these ideas, we’ll all be able to put politics aside to fight the metal hordes together.)

This is actually kind of funny, considering all the whining about the “self-esteem crisis” when I was a kid.  Even today, some people haven’t figured out that if you don’t have a reason to feel good about yourself (being kind to others, producing something that won’t bring about the destruction of man- and were-mankind…), you’re not gonna feel good about yourself.

Which makes me wonder: what’s going to happen to people’s self-esteem when a bunch of robots can (seemingly) do EVERYTHING better than we can?  Not only will people feel lame, they’ll feel very comfortable (at first), and feel no need to strive for anything (unless the economy doesn’t get better and society totally breaks down, but that’s a topic for another apocalypse-post) and then they’ll REALLY feel lame because they don’t do anything – because not only is there an app for that, there’s a chip in a robot that looks like a supermodel for that.

Look, I’m all about the Roomba, but are humanoids going to leave not only the cleaning but also the THINKING to the machines?  Maybe.  We’re lazy sometimes.  Personally, I’m all about naps.

Maybe I’ll just hoard robot destroying weapons and sleep through the impending nihilistic identity crisis.  Because really, what are humans but messy natural computers that constantly go on the fritz?  What the hell is a soul?  SOULS?  Those aren’t quantifiable!  Pfft.

“But wait, Conservative Werewolf, you’re being ridiculous.”

You’re right.  The robot revolution is not upon us.

The CYBORG revolution is.

To all you people who said, “It’s just science fiction,” and/or “Cartoons are for kids,” I’d like to say: Fuck you.

James O’Keefe Takes a Bite Out of Medicaid Fraud

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on August 18, 2011 by conservativewerewolf

Hey liberals, remember when you wanted to “stick it to the man”?

Well, today, you ARE the man.

And the werewolf is laughing her furry butt off at you watching James O’Keefe’s video of a nice, kind caring Medicaid worker assisting a well-to-do lad who lives off his parents’ illegal earnings “get around” the rules.

So, when you’re the man, how do you stick it to him?

You pretend you’re not and then break your own rules, apparently (because rich people need Medicaid, too?).

The Zombie Slaves Turn Against Their Masters

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on August 18, 2011 by conservativewerewolf

You trained them to depend on you, to see you as their saviors, to think the government can spend us out of an economic sh*tstorm.

Now you can EAT IT.

They’re turning on Obama, and now Nancy – who will the jobless masses attack next?

Does America Get Cartoons?

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on August 17, 2011 by conservativewerewolf

OMG guys, did you know there are cartoons on TV that are not appropriate for children???  AAAAAAAIIIII! *freaks out*

Marketing “Adult Swim” fare to 12-year-olds is a dick move (Cartoon Network better thank God I’m not a mama werewolf), but America needs to learn that ANIMATION DOES NOT EQUAL FOR KIDS.

Got that?

I swear, it’s like people have never heard of Japan.

So, while anyone who thinks “Family Guy” is suitable programming for beings who breathe oxygen figures out that we should at least direct the children away from it, I’ll be watching Avatar: The Last Airbender.  The Avatar gives people hope that good television programming can actually happen (even if Hollywood can’t get it right).