Archive for Tea Party

Reclaiming the Cocktail Party

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on December 26, 2012 by conservativewerewolf

as a step toward reclaiming the GOP.


Over at, the “Cocktail Party GOP Establishment” is considered “the BizarroWorld nemesis of the Tea Party and stands for everything that Tea Partiers are against.”  It creates an (accurate)  image of obnoxious sparkling elites toasting each other’s awesomeness, while the paradoxically polite rabble gather outside in tacky red, white and blue T-shirts yelling, “But what about the economy?!”

We Tea Partiers are good at the tacky-T-shirt protest, but thus far, not fantastic at successfully integrating into the RINO-led congressional GOP – which is why we need to learn to play their game while (somehow) retaining our souls.

Never having been a politician, I can’t advise elected Tea Partiers on how to gain control of committees, but I CAN advise all of us about how to throw the kind of shindig that will raise our profiles and our neighbors’ “awareness” (Gosh, I’m getting good at buzzword integration!).

“Why bother with such superficiality?” you may ask.

It’s not superficial, that’s why.  There are two purposes to throwing conservative cocktail parties:

1) To make conservatism cool again!*  Are we losing the culture war?  Pssh, why should we care what everyone else is doing?  We’re too cool to get flustered about that.  When the others see how much fun we’re having without them, they’ll want to come to us (which is less tiring than trying to educate them on Facebook.  Don’t tell me you haven’t tried that only to wind up losing faith in humanity).  And yes, they will come.  If you throw an awesome party and invite people from across the political spectrum but DO NOT invite far our leftists, they will get miffed and crash (at least that’s what happened to me.  Maybe it won’t happen to you, but they’ll see the pics on FB and be like, WTF?).

2) To educate others in a chill and fun environment about the logic of conservatism.  And no, we’re not inviting people over to lecture them – we’re just getting a bunch of people who know what’s going on and who like to talk politics together, most of whom will be conservative, some of whom will be libertarian, and some of whom will be some kind of moderate-liberal types who are probably Democrats because their parents raised them on MSM news.  Anyone who can debate (or watch other people debate) whether or not we need the Fed without getting pissy can come.

Very Important Point: Being a good host ranks above changing others’ minds.  If all you accomplish is to convince your friend’s brother’s girlfriend that conservatives aren’t all out to destroy fun and kill women, then you’ve done your job: you’ve made a chink in a previously closed mind.  Wash, rinse, repeat next month.

*I bet you’ve guessed by now that the Conservative Cocktail Party is not some stuffy self-congratulatory wannabe-establishment affair.  You’re right, it’s not: it’s pure modern-retro awesomeness with ties and heels.  How awesome will it be?  That’s up to you, the organizer.  But there are a few essentials:

1) Location.  It can’t be at your mom’s house in a quiet oak-tree shaded neighborhood,  unless you only want the usual crowd to show up.  No.  If you’re in college, throw it at a house near the main drag.  If not, rent out part of a popular bar.  Some bars will cordon off an area that’s visible from the rest of the bar – this is the kind of venue you want.  Conservatives are OUT and PROUD tonight!

2) Limited Exclusivity.  This isn’t only for conservatives, it’s for anyone who wants to come to a conservative cocktail party (namely, our friends and friends of friends and their friends who think, “Meh, it’s free and an excuse to dress up, perhaps ironically, and drink and chat and eat.  Why not?”).  If you’re in college, organize it with the College Republicans or your conservative newspaper (if you don’t have one, START ONE), and extend open invitations to members of other clubs, if you know they have members who can play nicely with others (poli sci orgs, international relations, business majors, etc). Now, to the exclusivity part: The Conservative Cocktail Party is not open to raving lunatic libs.  How you want to weed them out is up to you – or, if you want to let a few in and kill them with kindness, that’s your prerogative as well.  You can friggin’ advertise it in the newspaper if you want (but you MUST have bouncers if you do this.  I speak from experience.  Some people just don’t know how to behave themselves).  But, under no circumstances will you allow guests admittance if they ignore essential rule #3:

3) The Dress Code.  Jacket and tie, gosh darn it.  For women, well, we can figure it out from “jacket and tie” and “conservative cocktail party.”  If you want to take it a step further, give it a theme, such as “The Reagan Era” and go 80s.  That’ll be easy for party-goers because everything old is new again.  You can even take the kitsch up a notch and pass out fake pearls to the ladies and geeky bow-ties or ascots to the men.  Whatever, as long as it’s reasonably classy and fun.

4) Music. Part of the Conservative Cocktail Party’s appeal is nostalgia (remember when gas was under $1 a gallon)?  If your venue allows you control over the tunes, don’t play anything from the current decade.  Whatever you choose must be fun and danceable (I recommend lots of Michael Jackson, especially if you’re doing an 80s theme, or even a “Remember when we could afford shit” theme.  Yeah, remember that?  Way back when Michael was still with us.  He was weird.  But times were good).

5) Do it Again.  And again.  Make it a quarterly event.  If it gets pricey, but it’s popular, ask for a small cover fee.  Throwing one fabulous party isn’t enough to cause a sea change.  You want people to know about the last party and wish they’d gone – and then find out there’s another!  Now, they may want to come  to educate you (lol), so be ready to deflect stupidity with grace and charm.

“Again, why?  Obama won, we lost, we’re all going over a cliff.”  See, THAT’s why you need to throw a series of kickass parties!  Hit the doldrums where it hurts and party ’til they come for your guns!

Potential Objections

“Conservative Werewolf, that sounds like fun for party-type people, but I don’t drink.”
That’s cool, you don’t have to – just don’t spill your ginger ale while dancing like it’s champagne.

“I don’t have any conservative friends.  I am forever alone.”
Join your local Young Republicans – I can almost guarantee you’ll find conservatives there.

“I don’t want to take over the GOP – I want to start a third party!”
Good luck with that.  While waiting for that to happen, throw on a smoking jacket and start an actual party.

“I seriously can’t afford anything right now.”
Convince your friends who can afford things that this is an awesome idea.  And remember, the party doesn’t have to be expensive.  Ask around – someone has to know someone who owns a bar and is pissed at the direction our country is going.  Also, buy your smoking jacket/blazer at the Salvation Army or a thrift store.  And then tell everyone where you got it!  Frugality is in!

There, now you have no reason not to publicly highlight the awesomeness of conservatives and our guiding philosophy.  Go forth and have fun!

The Conservative Cocktail Party is step two in the Conservative Werewolf’s plan to re-normalize conservatism (see: step 1).  Join in and live up to the name Tea Partier!  Or, you know, don’t, and be a loser. ;P

Van Jones to Build the Grassroots

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on September 30, 2011 by conservativewerewolf

I just love this:

“Van Jones: ‘We are going to build a progressive counterbalance to the [naturally occurring] tea party.'”

Poor Van Jones.  He held a Communist Party and no one came.  Dude, hint: next time offer free beer and pizza.  Duh.

I don’t know Morgan Freeman

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on September 26, 2011 by conservativewerewolf

and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know me.  But he said I’m a racist.

According to the Voice of God, Tea Partiers are racist, and, seeing as how your old pal Conservative Werewolf has attended a few of those social gatherings, that means I am, too.  Which is weird, because I never knew I held any disdain for minorities.  Ah well, you learn something new everyday.

*raises hand*

I have a question.  Why do TV news show hosts ask liberals to explain the motivations of conservatives?  If Piers “Look I Have a TV Show in America!!” Morgan sincerely wants to understand us, WHY DOES HE NOT ASK US ABOUT OURSELVES?

I’ma take a stab at the answer.  Perhaps he thinks we would lie to save face.  Being racist is not only fucked up, but super passe.  We wouldn’t want to sully the image of our brand new shiny movement with the truth of our evil twisted black hearts -oh shit, was that racist?  Considering I’m a Tea Partier, probably so, even though I didn’t mean it that way.

Actually Morgie, the answer you would get from your average Tea Partier would be the truth.  Let’s imagine how this might go:

Q: Are Tea Partiers “out to get” President Obama?
A: We’re out to get him out of office.

Q: Is it because he’s black?
A: No.

Q: Are you sure?
A: Quite.

Q: But you don’t like him.
A: We’ll, most of us haven’t met him, but we don’t appreciate what he’s doing to us and the economy, particularly through Obamacare.

Q: But he wants to make America a better place!
A: What he said was that he wants to “fundamentally transform” America, and he’s doing that, if by “fundamentally transform” he means “make suck” or “create a new normal of nearly 20% un/underemployment.”

Q: Tell us the truth – this is really about Obama being black.
A: Please note that we’re not the ones who said he’s black.  He said he’s black, when in truth he’s biracial: half black and half white.  But if he wants to adhere to the racist notion that a drop of “black blood” makes one black, then whatever, we’ll call him what he wants to be called.  It doesn’t really matter – what matters are his policies.

Q: That’s not really the answer I was looking for.  Aren’t there a lot of Tea Partiers who are racist?
A: No.  In fact, there are minorities in the Tea Party.  But I suppose there could be some scattered about, considering there are plenty of racist liberals.

Q: That’s impossible!  You can’t be a liberal and be racist!
A: Tell that to the racist liberals.  Oh, and don’t forget the misogynistic ones.  They’re a hoot.

Q: I don’t believe liberals can be racist.  Liberals are all about fairness and justice.
A: And inclusivity?

Q: Yes, that’s right.
A: Well then, I certainly hope you’ll have a nice time at your next Black Panther meeting.

Q: That’s completely off topic.
A: So’s your face.

Q: That doesn’t make any sense!
A: You started it.

Q: Okay, let’s get back on topic.  Can you prove to us that Tea Partiers are not racist?
A: Ooh, here’s a better game – prove to us that YOU’RE not racist.

Q: Well, of course I’m not racist!  I know that it doesn’t make any sense to assume that someone is inferior based on his or her skin color.
A: Just like it doesn’t make sense to assume a person is intelligent based on his or her British accent.

So, why don’t hosts like Piers Morgan ask question to people who actually have the answers?  Because, instead of being provided the answer they want, they would get answers they don’t want.  They might even open up a dialogue about -gasp- THE ISSUES.  And, being that it’s very difficult to defend a craptastic economy, it’s better to avoid the discussion altogether by labeling their ideological opponents “racists” or “Nazis” or “fascists” or what-have-you.

Seriously, guys, thinking is hard.  Let’s not ask too much of liberal news show hosts or their celebrity tools.

Don’t Be Jealous, Democrats

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on July 20, 2011 by conservativewerewolf

because Republicans and Libertarians have the Tea Party and all you have are some smelly hippies and other varieties of faithful, unthinking progressives (“proglodytes”).

Senator Harkin isn’t cool enough to join the Tea Party, anyway – he’s an establishment hack.  But if the senator ever decides not to be a tax-and-spend-and-tax-and-spend jerkface, he’s welcome to come chill with us.