[insert name here] for president!


Conservative Werewolf truly does not enjoy bitching about the state of politics in the US…

…but there’s SO MUCH about which to bitch.

Such as the lack of an awesome Republican candidate for president.  Previously, I threatened to go crotchety and vote Ron Paul.  Lately, that threat’s looking less empty.  [No, I do not want Iran to get a nuclear weapon, but I also do not want to send troops in to wage a ground war or attempt regime change – why?  Oh dear, that will probably warrant another post.  Suffice it to say for now that Conservative Werewolf is a fan of creative solutions.]

Moving along.  I would like to say that of all the current candidates for the Republican nomination, the one whom I would most enjoy punching in the face is Mitt Smarmy.  The king of the RINOs has made friends with the right people and hopes to be elevated to the position of Prime Minister of Douchiness.  He cannot possibly hope to be our nation’s leader, being that any politician so extremely phony and flip-floppy already understands how the game is played and is fine with being a glorified puppet (such as Obama).

Newt.  Oh, Newt.  You wish you were Romney.  You tried to steal his thunder by appealing to Tea Partiers.  But  most of us see through you.  We are not impressed.  We merely appreciate that you are not Mitt Romney.

Perry: Phony-baloney panderer.   Shoot a coyote of the human-trafficking kind down on the border or go home.

Santorum.  I am, obviously, conservative, and I’m totally down with Jesus, but you creep me the hell out.  For real.  Go away, please.

Michele Bachmann: You seem like a very nice person, but do you listen to yourself?  Honestly, woman, you’ve been playing politics too long or something, because you hardly sound like a real person.  Get some authenticity!  I’d like a female president in my lifetime, but I am not impressed by you.

The other guys: Hunstman is a creeper, and that other guy, well, I don’t know.  He’s ignored a lot, probably because he doesn’t seem interested in making a splash, which I understand and respect.  But still, what’s your name again?

AND NOW!: Ron Paul.  Weird guy, but consistent.  Like, consistent over the course of decades.   And right about things we know today… thirty years ago.  And probably not even as weird as he seems.  The thing with being the one guy who appears to be for real and appeals to people across the ol’ spectrum is that, being one of a kind, you’re going to have a lot of REALLY DEDICATED fans.  Some of whom are nutcases who will not represent you well.  Keep telling us you’re not racist or a 9/11 truther.  If you say it enough, we might actually hear it (can’t help but root for a guy the media tries so hard to sink).  I swear, I can’t help but like this guy, even when I think he’s being fucking stupid.

Did I forget anyone?  Please, tell me I forgot someone really really awesome.  No?  Darn.


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