And now, children: Bestiality

Now, when you’re exercising your right to express yourself sexually, and you make the decision to have sex with an animal, here’s what you need to know:


Go straight to therapy (or better, yet, church), give your pets to people who only screw humans, and make sure not to go within fifty feet of a pet store, dog park, or similar area.

There.  Covered.  Done.

“EW, Conservative Werewolf!  Thanks for that image!  Did you have to bring that up?”

Well, no – and neither do your kids’ sex-ed teachers.  But in NYC, students are directed to a “website run by Columbia University, which explores topics such as sexual positions, porn stars, and bestiality.”

Gotta know your porn stars.  That’s much more relevant information than American presidents or algebra.

“But they’re going to look it up online anyway!”  Okay.  Then why do schools need to suggest it?

This “but they’re going to do it anyway” mentality leads to the above – sex-ed content determined by the most depraved among us.  It’s not impossible to teach kids about STI transmission and risks without going overboard and desensitizing them to things that aren’t ever going to be safe (remember GLSEN’s “fisting” seminar for young people?).

And what does our always child-friendly Department of Education say about this? “The Department of Education says the curriculum ‘stresses that abstinence is the best way to avoid pregnancy and STD/HIV.'”  OH, isn’t that NICE.

“In August, Deputy Mayor Linda Gibbs commended the return of mandatory sex ed, saying the DOE wants to give students the correct information about sexual activity if they do choose to engage in it.”

This “it’s your choice” attitude always creeped me out in high school sex-ed.  I was disturbed that the adult instructing us had abdicated her role as the ADULT in the room not only by refusing to make fact-based judgments on risky behavior, but also by discussing sexual behavior as being COMPLETELY divorced from love, romance and respect.  “Expressing oneself sexually” was the term for a loveless hookup that resulted in an STI transmission.  It was supposed to be a cautionary tale, but it reinforced the current view (put forth by pop-culture, the media, and now schools) that sex is casual, and just another way to have fun.  Yeah, it has been that way for an increasing number of people lately… and now, STIs that were nearly eradicated in the US half a century ago are common.  HMM.

“Well, if kids would just use condoms, it wouldn’t be that way!”  Or MAYBE if sex-ed was actually explicit about the STIs condoms DON’T protect against, it wouldn’t be so bad.  But don’t worry about those facts, kids.  Go have your fun.

That of course is the implicit message, not the explicit message: “‘We want to help kids to delay the onset of sexual activity, and if they choose to engage in sexual activity, to do it in a healthy way,’ [Deputy Mayor Linda Gibbs] said.”  HEALTHY way???  When they’re only kids???

You wanna help, lady?  How about teaching them that the pursuit of pleasure for pleasure’s sake when it could result in genital warts is a bad idea?  Are you really so afraid of making a judgment about something so obvious?  You could back that assertion up with condom failure rates.

Or maybe you could tell kids that hooking up with that super cute someone may “feel right” because they’re thinking with the amygdala, not the under-developed pre-frontal-cortex?  That’s right – there’s a reason teenagers do such risky things!  They CAN make good choices, yet so often they DON’T – and these sex-ed program developers are not supporting teens in making healthy choices.

How about addressing the fact that men and women’s brains are significantly different, and that there’s a reason why sex can make women feel all emotionally attached, even when they don’t want to?  It happens in their brains, and if some guy screws them and ditches them, chances are while he’s out chilling with his buds the next day, she’s listening to depressing music and feeling like shit.  (Of course, the feminists would probably just turn that fact into some man-hating crap, instead of teaching boys about respecting women – that could lead to discussions on chivalry, and we can’t have that.  Gender roles and all.  Terribly oppressive.  Really, just very bad – unlike sleeping with someone whose sexual history you haven’t verified.  That’s okay, as long as it’s your decision and you use a condom.  And if it breaks?  Well… you should go get tested.)

*shakes head*

Asking these people to make sense is like asking a werewolf to wear ballet flats (the claws poke right through).

No, that didn’t make any sense, either, did it? 😛

This does, though.


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