I don’t know Morgan Freeman

and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know me.  But he said I’m a racist.

According to the Voice of God, Tea Partiers are racist, and, seeing as how your old pal Conservative Werewolf has attended a few of those social gatherings, that means I am, too.  Which is weird, because I never knew I held any disdain for minorities.  Ah well, you learn something new everyday.

*raises hand*

I have a question.  Why do TV news show hosts ask liberals to explain the motivations of conservatives?  If Piers “Look I Have a TV Show in America!!” Morgan sincerely wants to understand us, WHY DOES HE NOT ASK US ABOUT OURSELVES?

I’ma take a stab at the answer.  Perhaps he thinks we would lie to save face.  Being racist is not only fucked up, but super passe.  We wouldn’t want to sully the image of our brand new shiny movement with the truth of our evil twisted black hearts -oh shit, was that racist?  Considering I’m a Tea Partier, probably so, even though I didn’t mean it that way.

Actually Morgie, the answer you would get from your average Tea Partier would be the truth.  Let’s imagine how this might go:

Q: Are Tea Partiers “out to get” President Obama?
A: We’re out to get him out of office.

Q: Is it because he’s black?
A: No.

Q: Are you sure?
A: Quite.

Q: But you don’t like him.
A: We’ll, most of us haven’t met him, but we don’t appreciate what he’s doing to us and the economy, particularly through Obamacare.

Q: But he wants to make America a better place!
A: What he said was that he wants to “fundamentally transform” America, and he’s doing that, if by “fundamentally transform” he means “make suck” or “create a new normal of nearly 20% un/underemployment.”

Q: Tell us the truth – this is really about Obama being black.
A: Please note that we’re not the ones who said he’s black.  He said he’s black, when in truth he’s biracial: half black and half white.  But if he wants to adhere to the racist notion that a drop of “black blood” makes one black, then whatever, we’ll call him what he wants to be called.  It doesn’t really matter – what matters are his policies.

Q: That’s not really the answer I was looking for.  Aren’t there a lot of Tea Partiers who are racist?
A: No.  In fact, there are minorities in the Tea Party.  But I suppose there could be some scattered about, considering there are plenty of racist liberals.

Q: That’s impossible!  You can’t be a liberal and be racist!
A: Tell that to the racist liberals.  Oh, and don’t forget the misogynistic ones.  They’re a hoot.

Q: I don’t believe liberals can be racist.  Liberals are all about fairness and justice.
A: And inclusivity?

Q: Yes, that’s right.
A: Well then, I certainly hope you’ll have a nice time at your next Black Panther meeting.

Q: That’s completely off topic.
A: So’s your face.

Q: That doesn’t make any sense!
A: You started it.

Q: Okay, let’s get back on topic.  Can you prove to us that Tea Partiers are not racist?
A: Ooh, here’s a better game – prove to us that YOU’RE not racist.

Q: Well, of course I’m not racist!  I know that it doesn’t make any sense to assume that someone is inferior based on his or her skin color.
A: Just like it doesn’t make sense to assume a person is intelligent based on his or her British accent.

So, why don’t hosts like Piers Morgan ask question to people who actually have the answers?  Because, instead of being provided the answer they want, they would get answers they don’t want.  They might even open up a dialogue about -gasp- THE ISSUES.  And, being that it’s very difficult to defend a craptastic economy, it’s better to avoid the discussion altogether by labeling their ideological opponents “racists” or “Nazis” or “fascists” or what-have-you.

Seriously, guys, thinking is hard.  Let’s not ask too much of liberal news show hosts or their celebrity tools.


One Response to “I don’t know Morgan Freeman”

  1. This was really good, I did not expect the humor during the Q&A section.

    Perfect blend of funny and sharp.

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